I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
