we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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