Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
