I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
