i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
