I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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