i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
