She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
