Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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