Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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