with your own penis?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
