So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
