I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
