You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
