I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
