she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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