My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
