I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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