Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
