Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
