hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
A bitchslap is in order.
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