i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she peed on how many people?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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