Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
