Kiss
Puke
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
