y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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