just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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