Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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