God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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