Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
