I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
