Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
