last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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