Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
