I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
