it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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