im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
