If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Actions speak louder than pants.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
