You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
