one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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