and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He called his prostate his "boner button".
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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