Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
