i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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