All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
