you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
