I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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