i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
