My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
