dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
