I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
