Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
